Peach is the new black

Have I told you that my entire apartment is painted a shade of peach?

Oh yes, my friend, peach.

Peach, that sublime color that evokes sweet memories of pureed baby food, freshly stewed squash, and the gunk you scoop out of a rotten pumpkin. A more putrid color has never existed.

So, it was with great delight that, upon entering our apartment for the first time since March last month, I realized every surface of this place was tainted in peach. The outside of our flat is flaming peach (Peaches on Fire would be the paint color); our living room is a subtle shade of peach (De Peche Mode); our kitchen is a relaxing peach (Peaches Ala Vicodin); our dining room is a warm peach (Peaches in Paradise); the base color in our bathrooms is peach with a paint technique to make the colors look even peachier in
3-D (Peaches on Herb). Even our bedroom is--you guessed it--PEACH!

Peach, the evil black sheep of the inbred Orange family.

Why, you ask, would anyone in their right mind make such horrendous decorating decisions? Because Peach is the national color of Germany. The color is literally sweeping the nation. Peach is, in fact, the new Black...at least according to die Deutsche Leute.
I thought it was only my landlord who had terrible taste until I went into a home improvement store last week and noticed that ALL of the fabric choices, the bathroom tile, AND an entire wall of paint chips were in a shade of peach. Likewise, when you go into a furniture department store you will be hard pressed to find a neutral colored sofa--that is unless you're in the market for a peach or an orange sofa. "Um, yes, I'm looking for a color that would go with everything. Something in an earth tone. Might you have something in the apricot family?"

Peach, the new neutral.

I am starting to fear for our ocular health. If we live one more day with this obnoxious color, I'm afraid our retinas with have a permanent peach colored hole burned in them. So, we've called in reinforcement--the painters. They will be spending the next three days feverishly ridding our world of salmon's mutinous twin.

Friday can't come soon enough.