No Golf for You!

We went to dinner with some friends of friends the other night. As is so often the case these days, we found ourselves across the table with yet another set of complete strangers whose only relation to us is that we have an acquaintance in common.

The husband is a high ranking employee of an international German company and he and his wife were in town to check on the house they are building on the Wannsee. You know the deal, it was an interview thinly disguised as a social engagement. You use your best table manners and wear your most conservative clothes and agreeable smile. You talk about work, travel, and hobby's. You do not overeat or drink more than one glass of wine and you do not talk about politics, religion or other sexually transmitted diseases.

We had just finished the work segment of the tryout and had comfortably moved into the hobby's portion of the exam. For the sake of convenience, we used the standard issues cheatsheet that states that golf is an appropriate topic to discuss. The conversation went something like this.

Them: "So, do either of you play golf?"

Us: "Yes, we do play poorly." (Insert J's standard issue story about the time he shattered the East Lake Country Club's gift shop window after he lobbed the ball 200 ft. on the eighth hole. Leave it to my man for being the first to ever hold that distinction.)

Them: "(A hearty) Ha, ha, ha. Well, we've just taken up the sport ourselves. In fact, my wife is taking classes now."

Us: "Really, how is it going?"

Them: "It's going well. She passed the test."

Us: "Oh good for you. What test did you passed?"

Wife: "The test to play golf."

Us: "The test to play golf, where?"

Wife: "The test to play golf in Germany."

Us: "What a second. You're telling us that there is a test you have to take to play golf recreationally?"

Them: "Yes, of course. You must take a test on proper etiquette, the game rules, and your handicap can be no higher than 54 on the day of exam. It is quite difficult, actually."

Us: "Yeah, it sounds like it. We had no idea. What happens if you fail?"

Them: "Well, you can't play golf in Germany, obviously."

Us: "Oh, of course. Obviously, we wouldn't want substandard players on the course." (Waiter, another round of drinks, please.)

Like J said later, only in freakin' Germany would they figure out a way to restrict people from participating in a recreational activity. Who do we look like, freakin' Tiger Woods? I mean is there no activity they haven't found a way to regulate. In this country, they actually make you carry around a card signifying that you passed an asinine golf test? "You failed test! No golf for you!"My Lord. Do you think for a second I'm going to carry my shiny butt to a German golf course after hearing that? Not bloddy likely.

Freakin' Germany...so freakin' typical.