Well, I'm headed back to Atlanta tomorrow for my girlfriend Sydney's wedding. If I'm honest with myself, I've had mixed feelings about the trip. Of course, I can't wait to see my parents and all of my friends. I'm anticipating doing alot of retail therapy and getting that rush when I step back into a mall. Eating at all of our favorite restaurants will be great as will just being comfortable in my skin again. How great to get the chance to be domestic again, instead of foreign.
On the other hand, three weeks away from J will not be fun. Sure, we've been apart longer but it is always so painful to be separated. Long distance phone calls about our days seem to fall a bit short and there will inevitably be things we leave out. I've tried to tell myself that the sooner I leave the sooner I'll be back in Berlin but it will be slow going and tough.
Another thought has also crept into to my mind. What if going back makes facing the next two years here more difficult? Just this past week, things have begun to feel a little bit less foreign. I know now that I have to take an Euro to the grocery store if I want to use a cart. My brain doesn't hurt quite as much when I'm translating food on restaurant menus and a couple of acquaintances have inched a bit closer to the "friend" category. So what if it's all a hoax? A cruel joke that my mind has been playing on me to get me through the last three months. What if I come back and have to start over again? The ex-pat blues have their way with me at last?
Well I won't know until I come back, will I? I guess we'll just have to see and hope for the best.
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3 comments:
Ahhh, yeah- the trip will be a great test. But think of it as just that- a test (but not an asinine golf test).
It may set you back a bit- but read your blogs when you're on your way back to Germany and read them over and over again when you return. Read them because they reveal hints of your struggles but highlight several positives that are easy to overlook (and the growth that's taking place within you).
The more recent blogs read as if you're starting to appreciate the tremendous experience of living abroad. Yes, there are terrible things about losing our creature comforts, but losing those things stretch us. There's also that awesome aspect of Europe that allows you to travel to different countries just as if you were traveling to different states in the US. I mean, you could move back to GA and have a weekend getaway to Iowa, but somehow I don't think you'd apprecaite it as much as you appreciate the the jaunt to Switzerland!
Oh- back to that stretching business. Let us not forget about that new perspective that living abroad gives us -we could try to dismiss or minimize it but that would just be foolish- who wouldn't want to be more knowledgable and more aware?
You tried to give living in Germany the cold shoulder when you first moved there- and we'll all give you credit, you started out pretty strong. At that time, you didn't quite know where to put your focus- now you do!
So, when you start to get worried about whether or not you can make it another two years, focus on where you were just before your trip back home and the good things about living abroad.
Focus on the life (and interesting new memories)that you and J have started to create in Germany. Focus on the good!
That's a catch 22 .... theres no place like home....but from all of the incredible stories you've been posting it seems like living abroad can only enrich your life even more for when you move back to the states...
I got behind on reading your blog let me get to work!
dd
Hello N.
You might recognize me from book club... :)
I've been perusing your blog and can see that you've had lots of troubles adjusting to life in Germany. I'm really sorry to hear it.
Maybe it is best to look at this as some kind of grand adventure. By your writing I am assuming that you have an end date for Germany and that you will be eventually going back to the States. Perhaps grasping onto that will help you to deal with the differences you experience here.
We should meet sometime. I have a lunch hour every workday at Adenauerplatz anywhere from 12-14. Interested?
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