Best Mate's Guide to Labor and Delivery

J has many good friends. It is a bonus if said friend is also funny, honest, and willing to give advice when needed.

His friend, Kevin, is one of those people and it is just icing that he married a jewel of a wife, Jennifer, as well. Having just welcomed their second son into their family this summer, the trauma--I mean--adventure of having a new baby is fresh on Jenn and Kevin's mind. To that end, they have been an endless stream of helpful and practical advice. The following post is perhaps my favorite, however, for it's wit and man speak that only a Martian can give a Martian. It's a classic for many reasons, the main being that although men have a completely different take on this labor and delivery thing they, too, can benefit from tips. They really pay attention when it's given by another man. Heck, anything or anyone that/who can persuade my husband to pack his "bag o' crap' is welcomed by me. Enjoy!

Please allow me to give the good husband some basic pointers and helpful suggestions for the coming main event:

1. Pack your personal bag of crap you want at the hospital now and stick it in your trunk.

2. Include in your personal bag of crap: change of clothes, shoes, socks,tooth brush,deodorant and MOST IMPORTANT not less than 3-5 meal bars (cliff bars, special k bars, granola bars…). Assume you will not be permitted to EAT or leave the bedside for at least 8 – 12 hrs after labor begins. Besides, I will be unable to run to the deli and bring that sandwich, which your wife who is not permitted to eat during labor will not allow you to eat anyways since you are "in this together."

3. A list of everyone your wife demands that you email and call the moment Triple X comes out. Blackberrys are very difficult to compile address lists on.

4. Laptop, cord for laptop and blackberry and a couple of DVD movies that Nik will also watch (you will look at this and think you don’t need these items, especially the DVDs. To that I say – Du kannst alles was du willst, wenn du nur willst was du kannst.

5. At all costs during delivery, stay north of the Mason Dixon line remember history, the north is safe and free, to the south is danger). Best advice is to block out some space where you can maintain eye contact with your beloved and not pay any attention to what the doctor is doing or saying (not that they will be speaking in english anyways).

6. Anytime Nik is about to kill you for something, go and get her a cup of ice. She will be eating ice and placing ice strategically for days. Note to self: you cannot have enough ice on hand for the first couple of weeks, you may wish to being stockpiling.

7. Remember better delivery through medical science = ask for the drugs early and often (this includes Nik).

8. Bring candy for the nurses. Bribe the hell out of them and then they will help you steal as many swaddle blankets, diapers, ice packs, and baby wipes as humanly possible to carry out.

9. Remember that my wife is the most thorough researcher and gatherer of information in the world. When Nik is in pain, Jenn will know a trick; when the baby won’t sleep, Jenn has a schedule (Baby 2 is sleeping through the night at 7 weeks); when there is anything going on that Nik has a question, Jenn has already worried about it, asked a thousand people, consulted a doctor, read a book and tried it on Baby 1 and/or Baby 2...you get no bonus points for pain and suffering!

Peace!

Kevin